Pre- Decking Using Malaysian Faux Teak - Rant

I'm beginning to think that there is some kind of conspiracy against me, considering that I'm someone who is not overly fussed by DIY and yet I often seem to end up doing some. Perhaps I should simply accept my fate and become some sort of DIY-practising monk and spend my day lamenting the many possible DIY opportunities available for me to undertake in my no doubt ramshackle temple.

I don't think it would be unfair of me to blame my wife for my contemplating this rather drastic paradigm shift. You see she is actually enthusiastic about DIY, but only the results of it; not the actual doing it part. Anyway once the greenhouse saga was concluded, she decided that the space between the house and the greenhouse looked a little too like nature, so she started looking at decking materials and how-to guides. My heart sank.

Last month I believed that my luck was changing, the weather was temperamental, which I used as an excuse to put it off, and then Lillian, my wife, went to visit her friend in Bahrain for a week; which meant one week of football and no DIY (although before she left I was kindly asked to paint the lounge door which has been unpainted now since 2011).

   ...Still nope

After this frankly blissful week (I'm terribly fond of her but it's nice to have your own space for a bit) she returned and presently renewed my torment. You see whilst at her friend's house inspiration struck! She found exactly what she wanted, in fact she said, and I quote “IT WAS EXACTLY WHAT I WANTED!”; I got the hint, but was considerably less jubilant.

On the Left hand side you can see a close up of the lovely wooden flooring and a bit of my wife's shoe, and on the right an enviably-sized room that is apparently never used. How wonderful.

As if being forced to perform an in-depth study of these two photos was not fascinating enough I was also urged to read through the woods auto-biography, which whilst short, I urge you to skip:

'Yellow Balau, also known as Bangkirai, is a Malaysian timber and one of the most popular choices for wooden decking in the UK due to its sturdy structure and resistance to damage, even against termites. If properly treated and looked after, Yellow Balau's lifespan will easily exceed 50 years, but a true testament to its durability is that even when left untreated, its above ground life is still greater than 15 years!

Bangkirai is a hardwood, and its characteristics are indicative of this. It is incredibly heavy, has an impressive tensile strength and offers a level of firmness and shock resistance that is exemplary; even amongst other hardwoods'

As you can imagine, by this point I was truly enraptured....

There are a lot of companies that provide this wood for decking throughout the UK, and it certainly is very popular, which I am told is due to its similarities to Teak. I thought I'd see if I could find some cut-to-size teak online, as surely this would be just as easy to use as decking; and I would not need to pay the price of the wood and its travel from Malaysia.

As it turns out Teak is God's most favoured wood, and its price reflects this; but at least now I know why so many people use a wood that bears a striking resemblance to teak rather than the real thing. Thanks for enduring this wee rant. We have ordered our decking wood now and once my wife and nature have finished reached agreeable turns, the weather will turn against and the sun shall shine gloriously for days, creating the ideal conditions for a spot of DIY Decking.

The pictures and how to will follow....but hopefully not too soon.

OH! For those of you who are wondering, the wood we have ordered is 'planed all round' as there was no way I was going to plane the wood, as well as create the decking, which will no doubt be the most mediocre decking you ever did see. I had no idea what planed all round timber was before the other day, but I have to say it is wonderful, especially considering the hellish alternative. If you too would like the knowledge of what planed all round timber is, then may I suggest clicking riiiiiight...'here'!

That is all I am able to give away i'm afraid, as sadly I have been requested not to share our decking supplier, as “we don't need more people with the same decking”. Sorry guys.